* shitty week *
Friday, January 14, 2005
This got to be the werst week of my life. the most shitty week. the most depressing week. the most pissing week. it juz got werst each dae. itz not onli freakin weird to be surrounded by the new j1s but itz also freakin weird with the j2s around too. dammit. i feel so stupid. wait. i am stupid. i feel so empty inside. im feeling down. pissed at myself. im stuck in year 1 again. got nobody else to blame but myself. never work hard enuff. stupid.
to make it werst theres this freakin cca. i juz doesnt feel the bond with the cca anymore. i donno why. it juz fade away. haiz... i juz cant get over this weird feeling. from an exco to a regular member n to make it werst im a retainee. im slowly getting over it i think. it keeps lingering in my mind. makin me juz feel depressed. the reasons im staying in tat cca are:
1) i don wanna go thru all the shit to be transfered to another cca
2) if i leave, ziting will be onli retainee left
3) for cherie =)
4) and also to some nice people in odac who asked me not to leave. hehe.
when i stayed for the cca recruitment, the weird feeling is there botehring me. most of the time, i juz wonder off alone thinking about it. thinking whtehr i made the right decision to stay. keep going round and round and round. i feel tat theres something misssing in me. when i stayed back after the recruitment thingy, i realise tat everybody had something to do. i was juz there. lost. confused. juz donno wat to do. so i helped out a bit. tie the raft thingy. hm... than alex called me to go to the library coz they had some problem. n guess wat it is? the exco had no idea about excel. hahaha very cute la. well.. i juz wished at that moment tat i jus fade and dissapear.
got my class today 05S401. see the 2 no. at the front? 05. haiz... well on a positive note, geog has been very interesting. easy to understand. for now geog is ok. so on mondae i did teh freakin chem mole concept tutorial AGAIN. and i did maths tutorial 2 teh next dae. i juz got nothing better to do i guess.. been going back early. sleeeping early.
tomoro theres odac. blardie fuck seh. start at 5pm. n to think i finish at 12.30.tats like 4.5 hrs of waiting. pluz another 2 hours of odac. think i got nothing better else to do. i tried baking the peanut butter cookies todae. not as nice as i expected. it looks so delicious in the book, but when taste it... juz weird ah. average kind of taste. donno i juz feel it taste abit salty? but theres no salt added u noe. haha.
im trying to download songs but these fucking people don wanna share their files. blardie idiots. moreover my dad had to make my dae werst. haiz.... some life i haf huh. might as well i just die rite. put a stop to my suffering. if life juz go on, im juz gonna suffer more.
well for now im looking forward to this sat. haha gonna meet with my sec skool frens. well wat is it? not gonna sae. itz a suprise!!!
--Mary HAD a little lamb--
1:20 PM
